i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
