i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
