do herpes really smell.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
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Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
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your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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