So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
