oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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