Apparently you make a good broom.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
