How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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