I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Sext me about skeletons
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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