Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
