They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize