:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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