I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
