K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
