yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
