Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
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Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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