I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
