so that wasnt chicken after all
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
