Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
