we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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