why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
