She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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