You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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