She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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