So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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