Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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