i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
