My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
