I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
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Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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