Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
ugly people sure do ruin things
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The beer is more important than you right now.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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