do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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