He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
