My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
