Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
