The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
