At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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