I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
