it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
