To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
