he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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