Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
