I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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