i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
