There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize