I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize