I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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