The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Randomize
