so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
