At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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