He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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