Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
