I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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