I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
