I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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