I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
