I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
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