and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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