There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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