I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
